Hitched
by SummerDancer
Summary: Rainbow Dash and Soarin are getting married, but as everyone plans for the wedding, an old enemy of the Wonderbolts is waiting for the right time to strike. Spike is attempting to throw Soarin a bachelor party, and Spitfire and Fleetfoot are stuck as bridesmaids along with the other mane six. Psych based.
1. Save The Date

**A/N: Hey everypony… *Yawn*… It's…. eight-ish around here, and …. I'm posting a story. I don't know why I'm so tired, but I'm not gonna let that stop me. Let's get this story started!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own MY Little Pony and…. I'm too tired to be upset about that, but I will be later…..**

"We just got a big break in our pursuit of local crime boss Axe Ritzo, A.K.A. 'The Axe stallion." Spitfire announced. The Wonder bolts headquarters was particularly busy today. Spitfire and Fleetfoot stood at the front of the conference room, while the other Wonder bolts hung on to every word their captain and co-captain said.

Spitfire gestured to the projection screen beside her, which displayed pictures of Ritzo and his crew.

"Now, Ritzo's long-time accountant, Herbal Pollack, has reportedly fled the organization with a sizable amount of Ritzo's cash and copies of all his financial records, which means that if we can get to Pollack _before_ Ritzo does," She smiled. "We'll have all the evidence to put this low life away for a _very_ long time."

She then noticed Soarin enter the conference room with a spring in his step. "Oh! Soarin, we were just discussing the fact…" Soarin held up a hoof. "Bup, bup, bup! I'm not here," he declared with a grin on his face. "I took the day off to do my wedding planning, remember? I don't wanna be bothered with any more work business." He then noticed the picture up on the projection screen. His eyes widened. "That's Axe Ritzo and his accountant!" He said in surprise. "Who just fled the organization." Fleetfoot added. Soarin's eyebrows shot up. "What? That is huge news!" Spitfire and Fleet foot nodded.

Soarin snapped out of his surprised stupor. "Which I will deal with tomorrow. When I return to work."

"You're doing all your wedding planning in one day?" A trainee asked.

Soarin smiled. "Yep. When you're marrying the fastest flyer in all Equestria, you gotta pick things up a bit. Here, check it out, I already have the 'Save the Date'." With that, Soarin started to pass out the cards to everyone in the room. "One for _you, _one for _you…_ I don't know _you_… one for you, and one for you."

Fleet Foot read the card and looked up. "Uh, Soarin?"

"Mmm-hmm?"

"It says you're getting married this Saturday." Soarin nodded. "2:00 p.m. sharp. Now, be on the lookout for the actual invite which _should_ be arriving in three, two, one.." He held up a bunch of flyers from behind his back. "Hey-oh! There you go.." He started to pass out all the flyers around the room, much to everyone's amusement. Spitfire raised her eyebrow as she read her invitation. "It says to RSVP by noon today!" Soarin shrugged. "What can I say? Rainbow and I've got one speed, and it is full throttle. Plus, there was a last-minute cancellation at the Gryphon Kingdom." With that, he flew out of the room.

Spitfire shook her head and smiled. "Okay, so I feel like my briefing is done, thank you, everypony, you are dismissed."

Everyone quickly cleared the room, and Spitfire and Fleet foot sauntered into Spitfire's office. "I still can't believe it," Fleet foot said, sitting in a chair. "Our goof ball getting married? And to Rainbow Dash? Who would've thought, huh?" Spitfire grinned. "Yep. Time sure does fly." As if on cue, Soarin flew in with a big grin on his face. "Spit! Fleet! Rainbow's inviting her Ponyville friends to Cloudsdale, and her friend Pinkie Pie is organizing a bachelorette party for her the night before the wedding, and Rarity is going to design your dresses. And I know Rainbow was hoping you two could make it. "

Spitfire's eyebrows furrowed. "Uh, first of all, I would prefer to wear my uniform to the wedding, and second of all, didn't Rarity do time for killing a mare at a sale at the mall?"

"Uh, _paralyzing_ a mare at a sale at the mall. I heard it was just a big misunderstanding. And she's rehabilitated now." Spitfire and Fleet foot looked doubtful. Soarin smiled softly. "Come on, it'll be fun! It's going to be at the Agua Verde Hotel and Casino in Las Pegasus, that place is first class all the way." Fleet foot tilted her head to the side. "Isn't Bulk Biceps doing part-time security work there?" she asked. Soarin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Alright, you got me. _Most_ of the way. What do you say?"

"Uh.."

"Great! I'll give Princess Twilight your phone numbers! Rainbow's going to be so excited!" As soon as he flew out of the office, he immediately bumped into Spike. "Hey, Soarin!" The baby dragon greeted. Soarin blinked in surprise. "Spike! How'd you get here… and how are you walking on clouds?" Spike smiled. "Twilight performed the cloud walking spell on us ahead of time so she could organize everything right away." He rolled his eyes. "I already wrote the checklist, and it's a mile long. Oh, and the girls are already here, and Rainbow's at your house." Soarin beamed. "Sweet!" he scooped up the princess's number one assistant and placed him on his back. "Hop on, buddy!"

He zoomed out of headquarters, and head towards where the Wonderbolt dorms were. "So," Spike began. "Where's your bachelor party gonna be at?" Soarin frowned a little in thought. "I dunno. There's so much to do. With everything going on, I didn't even think about the bachelor party." Spike was stunned. But then he thought of an idea. _Don't worry Soarin,_ Spike thought with an evil smirk forming across his face. _I'll take care of everything._

Later, Rainbow Dash and Soarin stood in front of his place, saying their goodbyes, at least until the wedding day. "Just think," Soarin said while nuzzling Rainbow. "In less than 29 hours, you are going to be Mrs. Rainbow Soarin." Rainbow smirked. "Really? I'm thinkin' Mrs. Rainbow Soarin Dash. I'm keeping the Dash." Soarin laughed. "Alright fine." The cyan Pegasus raised an eyebrow at Soarin's attire. "What's with the robe?" Soarin looked down at himself and grinned. "Like it? Its 100% cotton."

Rainbow rolled her eyes, and waved her hoof at the robe. "_This _is embarrassing."

"_This _was on sale! Admit it, you're gonna miss this." Rainbow rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, yeah." The two then gazed at each other lovingly, and leaned in for a kiss.

_HONK HONK!_

Both pegasi jumped as the rest of the main six pulled up in front of Soarin's place in a jeep with Spitfire and Fleet foot in tow. "COME ON, DASHIE!" Pinkie yelled. Soarin grinned. "She's comin'!" he called. "Why don't you come say hi to everypony?" Rainbow suggested. Soarin looked over at Spitfire and Fleet foot, who were giving him death glares from the back of the jeep. "I would love to, but I'm not armed." Soarin said simply. "Come _on,_ Rainbow, let's go!" Twilight yelled. "We're on schedule!" Rainbow smiled and ran over to her friends, lugging her suitcase. "_Alright,_ I'm coming, I'm coming, settle down!" She tossed her suitcase to Applejack as she hopped in the jeep, and slammed the door. "See you at the wedding, Soarin!" Rarity called. "Let's get this show on the road!" Applejack said. "Punch it, Pinkie!" Nodding, Pinkie slammed on the accelerator, and with a loud _SCREECH _the mares sped off into the distance.

Soarin smiled as they left, and he was about to head back inside, when he noticed a newspaper in the driveway. Soarin looked left, right, then left again. He was in the clear. He walked out front, and grabbed the newspaper. Then he had the feeling he was not alone. Soarin scowled. Now was _not_ the time. "Note to whoever's out there," he said loudly, his eyes darting back and forth. "Step to me, and I whip out the _enormous piece_ I have under this robe!" He then noticed the scrawny mail pony looking at him strangely.

Soarin blushed. "Heh heh… morning, Sherman." Sherman waved, and walked off.

Soarin headed back to his place, when he heard a twig snap. Soarin looked up. "Sherman?" Just then, a hood was placed over his head. "Sherman?!" "Welcome to your bachelor party, Soarin!" Spike declared.

"Eeeyup!"

**A/N: It has begun…. It won't be like a "Whodunnit" story, but it is a full cup of crazy. Hopefully… this will get us through October :D So hang tight, chapter two is being written.**


	2. All Kinds Of Wrong

**A/N: Geez, how long has it been? Heh.. sorry about that folks. this should spark your interest :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, but I would like to keep a pony…. can we make that possible?**

The main six, plus Spitfire and Fleetfoot sped down the road at accelerating speed. Excitement was in the air. "Oooh, I can't believe our Rainbow Dash is getting married!" Rarity cooed, hugging the bride to be. Fluttershy wiped away a tear. "Oh, it feels like only yesterday when we were little fillies, and you believed that boys had cooties!" The others laughed at this. Rainbow blushed. "We're going to have the best time, Dashie!" Pinkie exclaimed, suddenly appearing beside the Pegasus. "Look! I brought Jell-O!" Fleetfoot was alarmed, and was about to ask who the heck was driving, until she saw Pinkie's tail steering the wheel. Spitfire shook her head and sighed. _Why, out of all of these ponies, is Pinkie Pie the one who's driving? _She thought. Rainbow Dash nudged her arm. "I'm glad you two could come to the wedding," she said with a grin.

Then she turned to her friends. "Now, I do have to say, though, things cannot get _too _crazy tonight. I _am_ getting married tomorrow, and my whole family's coming out, so, I can't believe I'm saying this, but no funny business. Like, for instance, slipping me weird substances, like they did in _The Hangover._" Pinkie chortled. "Okay, first of all, that was a _movie_, and not a very realistic one! I mean, only crazy ponies do that kind of stuff!" Applejack smiled uneasily. "Uh, I'd say we were far from normal, sugar cube."

Rarity stood up and tapped a glass she was holding up with her magic. "Ahem, attention, everypony, attention." Everyone stopped their conversations. Rarity raised seven glasses filled with sparkling cider and levitated them to each pony on the jeep. "A toast," she said. "To our very own Rainbow Dash, who we know and love, and that she may get every bit of love and happiness she deserves." Everyone cheered, including Spitfire and Fleetfoot, as the clinked their glasses together.

Suddenly, Twilight's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. "PINKIE, WATCH THE ROOOOAAAAD!" Everyone else quickly turned to see about 15 pegasus high school students in gym clothes flying right towards them. Everyone screamed as Pinkie quickly jumped behind the wheel, and turned it with all her might, missing the students in the nick of time. Pinkie sighed in relief, and turned to look back at the passengers. "Everypony okay?" The girls were all sprawled out in the jeep, and were piled against one another, letting out low moans of discomfort. "We're… good." Said Applejack, her voice muffled. The others finally found their voices again.

"Twilight, get your butt out of my face!"

"Sorry."

"Ouch! That was my tail!"

"Pardon."

"…Um… who's sunglasses are these?"

"Spitfire, watch the mane!"

"Dear pony who is sitting on my head… would you be so kind as to GET OFF!"

Everyone managed to untangle themselves, eventually. Pinkie smiled sheepishly at the group. "Heh… sorry about that."

Spitfire groaned as she retrieved her sunglasses. This would be no easy task. These mares were more excitable than she thought. However, she truly was honored to be accompanying Rainbow Dash for her bachelorette party. She would try to make it work, despite the current circumstances.

Rainbow rubbed her head gently. "Ugh… could somepony tell me why Pinkie's driving again?"

Pinkie scoffed indignantly. "Well, you _wanted_ to go _fast,_ didn't you?" She turned back to face the road with a determined grin on her face. "Now, buckle up, every pony. We're almost there!" Everyone's eyes popped out of their heads, and Pinkie slammed on the accelerator, the sound of the engines drowning out the chorus of protests.

"WAAAAIIIIIIT!"

After almost losing their lives about four more times, the girls had finally arrived at the hotel. They opened the door to their new suite, which looked like a step up from Buckingham palace. "Oooh, _this_ is going to do just _fine!_" Rarity marveled, trotting around the room with stars in her eyes. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie immediately went to the huge sofas and jumped up and down on it excitedly. "Wheeee!" Pinkie shouted. Applejack went over to the fruit basket that sat on one of the coffee tables. Twilight and Fluttershy walked over to gaze out of the windows, admiring the spectacular view. Spitfire and Fleetfoot casually had a look around, and stopped at the bedroom. She turned to the others, and lowered her sunglasses. "Hey, I see that there's only _one_ bed? Not to be a pain or anything, but I've got back issues, and cot is _not_ an option."

"Ditto for me." Rarity said, poking her head out from the bathroom. "Who said anything about _sleeping?_" Fleetfoot said mischievously, pulling out her suitcase.

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity called, pulling out her dress making material. "Come with me, I need to double check your measurements for the wedding dress." Rainbow stopped bouncing on the couch, and flew over to Rarity. "I think you're going to like this one Rainbow." The Pegasus beamed. "Sweet!" The two mares went into the bedroom and closed the door behind them. Pinkie Pie hopped down from the couch. "I'm gonna check out the casino!" she said cheerfully. "See you guys later!" Twilight blinked. "Wait, are you even old enough to…" The pink pony had already hopped her way out the door.

Applejack quickly wiped her mouth with a napkin and ran after her hyperactive cousin. "I better make sure she doesn't hurt herself." She said nervously, as she left the room.

Fleetfoot pulled out a number of flashy dresses, and tossed them out to Twilight and Fluttershy. "Let's suit up!" She said, grinning. The two mares gawked at the choice of clothing. "Oh my!" Fluttershy murmured. Twilight let out a series of nervous giggles. "Ha ha… did an escort lend these to you?" Twilight said jokingly. Fluttershy giggled along with her. Fleetfoot lowered her glasses, and gave them a serious glare. "No," she deadpanned. "They're mine."

Twilight and Fluttershy exchanged horrified glances. Twilight then quickly looked down at her dress. "Oh, well, uh, n-now that I… _look_ at it, I mean.."

"Yeah."

"This is _exactly _the kind of dress that I would _love_ to buy myself but that I wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't have the guts.."

"Right, t-to buy it m-myself!"

"Right."

Fleetfoot continued to stare at them, while Spitfire sat on one of the couches with her eyebrows raised. Fleetfoot then broke out into a grin. "Girl, I'm playin' with you!"

Twilight and Fluttershy broke out into a fit of nervous laughter. "Ha Ha… good one, Fleetfoot." Twilight chuckled half-heartedly. "You sure got us!" Fluttershy giggled unconvincingly.

Spitfire pulled out some drinks from the cooler. If they were going to be here, they were at least going to have a bit of fun. "Alright girls, let's do some cider shots!" Fleetfoot gave a whoop of appreciation. Fluttershy gulped. "I, um, have to go to the little fillies room." She zoomed inside the bathroom and slammed the door shut before anyone could say anything else. Spitfire turned to the lavender alicorn. "That leaves you, Twilight." Twilight pursed her lips. "Yeah, um, I don't really do cider shots. In fact, I rarely drink, unless it's Sweet Apple Acres cider, and that's pretty light."

"Oh, come on, Twi!" Fleetfoot pleaded.

Twilight shook her head. "Oh, no, no, no, no. Really. It's just that, no, it's not a great idea." Spitfire walked over to Twilight with a drink in her hoof.

"I mean… I'm in charge of planning the wedding!"

Spitfire smirked and held out the drink, her eyelids lowered. "And I'm in charge of making Princesses do shots."

Twilight gasped, and glared at Spitfire. Then she smirked and accepted the glass from the captain. "Alrighty then," She said, squinting her eyes. "See you in the ER." With that said, she lifted the glass to her lips, and downed the entire drink within seconds. Spitfire smiled approvingly. "Alright!" She took the glass from her, and went back to the cooler, while Twilight let out a raspy sound, and flexed her shoulders. "Twenty more, girl, twenty more!"

Down at the casino, Pinkie Pie and Applejack exited the food area with drinks in their hooves, the cups glowing at the rims. Pinkie Pie balanced cheese fries on her back. Applejack shook her head. "I still can't believe you lied about your age like that," she said disapprovingly. Pinkie took a big sip out of her drink. "Well, I'm _almost_ twenty-one, Applejack, so technically, it's not lying."

"Your birthday isn't 'till next May. You're not even close!"

"Details, details! Look at all those ponies, wasting their bits like that! But if _we_…"

Applejack gave her a look of warning. "_Pinkie Pie_…" The pink pony sighed, and rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. We can look, but we can't touch."

"It's for the best." The farm pony said, taking a slurp out of her own drink. "Hey, Isn't that Soarin?"

Pinkie turned her head and saw the future groom, strutting through the casino. Pinkie beamed and picked up her pace. "Let's go say hi!" Applejack nodded as she leaned over and took a bite out of Pinkie's cheese fries. "Whoo! Soarin! He's movin' his hips, workin' the room!" "Somepony's havin' fun!" Applejack chimed in. Soarin turned around and grinned. "Oh, hey, gals! Yeah, I've got to say, it _is _good to be here. I mean, you won't believe this, but I get so caught up with work, and opposing the health care law at a grass roots level, that sometimes I just forget to you know, _cut loose_ and have some fun!"

Pinkie nodded. "You always need to have time to have some fun! By the way, where's Spike?" Soarin chuckled lightly. "Spike couldn't get in. He didn't pass the age restriction, but he _is _allowed where the water attraction is, so we decided to have the bachelor party there. I just thought I could hang out here for a while with my buddies."

"Aw, that was real nice of you Soarin." Applejack complimented.

"Thanks."

"Hey Soarin!" The ponies turned their heads and saw Thunderlane waving from the Slot machines. "Dude, I just scored 20 bucks!" Soarin rolled his eyes and shook his head good naturedly. "I'd better make sure he doesn't spend too much money on that thing. Catch you later, girls."

"Bye!"

"See you later!"

Applejack turned her attention to a large cuisine at the far end of the casino. "Be right back." She said, transfixed. Pinkie smiled and shook her head as her friend left. Then something caught her eye. A grey earth pony, just a few aisles down. She had seen him before! Weren't the Wonderbolts on the lookout for this guy? Pollack something? Something inside her brain suddenly clicked. _Holy pickles._ _He's here!_

Back at the hotel suite, Spitfire, Fleetfoot, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity were all wearing those… interesting choice of dresses, laughing, drinking, and having a good time. They had bonded over the last hour. The mares were hanging out on the couch, having fits of laughter, when Fleetfoot got up, and walked behind the couch. "Hey, girls, girls, girls! Is it just me, or has it gotten _hot _up in here?" Before anyone could answer, a whistle blew, and music started blaring from the stereo.

A muscular pony dressed in a police outfit came out of nowhere. "You have a right to remain _silent!_" He declared, jumping on a coffee table in front of them. All of the girls screamed as he started dancing. Rainbow fell backwards in a fit of laughter. "Shake it, baby!" Fleetfoot hooted. The stallion grinned, as he started throwing his equipment aside. "Oh, _my!_" Rarity and Fluttershy said in unison with very different expressions on their faces. The pony started shaking and shimmying. Spitfire laughed while she drank. "That is _not _okay!" Twilight shouted, pointing her hoof at the stallion, grinning from ear to ear. "That is _illegal!_" Then, she got a better look at his face, and frowned. It couldn't be. The pony stopped, and really looked at the mares for the first time.

He slowly removed his sunglasses. The cheering stopped, and everyone's jaws practically fell to the floor as they looked up at the pony before them. Fluttershy gasped in horror. "_Bulk Biceps?_" Spitfire said in disbelief. Bulk had an extreme look of guilt on his face. "I- I can explain!" he stuttered.

"I am sober now." Twilight said. Bulk looked over at Rainbow Dash and grinned sheepishly. "Congratulations."

Rainbow simply raised her eyebrows as she sipped her drink.


	3. Shots Fired

**A/N: Hello again! So, I decided to give you a double chapter today, because I happen to have zero homework (Yus.) so this is my little gift to you guys. Oh, and thanks to TheNiceCommenter for the tip :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, why is fate so cruel to me!?**

Pinkie Pie let out a frustrated sigh. "What is this straight to voicemail nonsense?" she grumbled, still clutching her phone to her ear. She was pacing up and down the hallway of the hotel, trying to get a hold of Soarin or any of her friends, but with no answer. "Ugh! _Somepony_ call me back!" As she hung up, Applejack came stumbling towards her, looking ill. "Applejack!" The party pony exclaimed, running over to her friend. "What happened? I thought you were eating at the buffet place thingy!"

Applejack swallowed. "I did," she moaned. "I _really did._" Pinkie's eyes widened. "You ate that _whole thing?_" The farm pony blushed as she brushed past Pinkie. "It wasn't all me!" She defended. "Other ponies ate too. Just… not as much as I did, that's all. Now I'm startin to feel sick." She pushed a button to an elevator and waited. Pinkie placed a hoof on her shoulder. "I'm sorry Applejack. But we've got much bigger issues than that!"

Applejack looked at her, confused. "What?"

"Herbal Pollack is here!"

Applejack blinked in surprise. "Axe Ritzo's accountant? The one that the Wonderbolts have been lookin' all over for?"

Pinkie nodded in affirmation. "Mmm-hmm. What are the odds, huh? We've gotta warn the Wonderbolts and get Soarin out of here before he has to throw himself into working again!" The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open to reveal Soarin holding on to Pollock himself tightly in his grasp. Soarn grinned. "Oh hey, guys!" He said cheerfully. "Look who I found."

"Hello," Herbal said.

"Shut up." Soarin growled.

Soarin stood proudly next to the captured criminal who was hoof cuffed to a pole, looking forlorn. "I rule." Soarin said with a grin.

"Some party," Spike grumbled. They were all on a party bus that was supplied by the Wonderbolts themselves, and Pinkie and Applejack had to come with, along with all the other best stallions. "Where's Thunderlane?" Asked Cheese Sandwich, the planner of the reception party. "Somewhere disappointing Jesus." Applejack said a matter of factly, resting her chin on her hoof.

"Ah, come on gang, cheer up!" Soarin said brightly. "We'll jump right back in to the party as soon as we drop this schlub off at headquarters for safekeeping."

"Why didn't you tell Spitfire and Fleetfoot about this?" Spike asked.

"I didn't want to worry them." Soarin replied. "They shouldn't be pulled out from their bachelorette party for this. And we're coming right back."

Herbal spoke up. "Well, you realize that I'm no good without the flash drives, right?" He said bluntly. He looked at Soarin. "You think I just walk around with hard copies of a mob boss' taxes? They're all on a couple of drives back in my apartment."

"So, we'll drop you off to the local brethren and come back for them later." Soarin said with a shrug.

"Okay," Herbal said, with a slight smirk on his face. "Well, that is, assuming that Ritzo doesn't get to them first." He gave an exaggerated sigh. "One does not get to be a ruthless crime lord without being persistent. Look. My condo is in Baltimare, not too far from Cloudsdale. I'll run in real quick." Everyone in the bus looked at Soarin. This pony _did_ have a point.

Soarin huffed. "If you're messing with me man, I will punch you in the face _so hard_…."

"Look, I want to put him away too! That way, he won't kill me."

Soarin gritted his teeth. "Darn it to heck. Big Mac, make a right!"

"Mac, make a right." Braeburn said, lying on his stomach.

The stallion swerved to the right, making everyone lurch over.

At the hotel room, things had calmed down quite considerably over the last thirteen minutes. Fluttershy stood in front of the door with Bulk Biceps who was still wearing his police uniform. "You said you were working _security_ here," Fluttershy said, still a little disturbed about what happened. Bulk held up a hoof. "No, I said I wore a security _uniform_ here. Which is kinda true, thought this one is a tear away."

Fluttershy sighed, and pressed a hoof to her temple. "How long have you been doing this? You should know better." The muscular pony lowered his gaze to the floor. "A couple of months. My roommate and I are saving for a new condo and we really need the extra cash. You know, plus it's a great group of guys and we really support each other. And I never really go nude, I just strip down to the—"

"Bulk, Bulk!" Fluttershy held her hooves up, not wanting to hear anymore.

"Oh, this is awful, isn't it?" He sighed. "I'm gonna get fired, aren't I?" Fluttershy looked over and saw Spitfire lying on the couch groaning, and Twilight asleep on of the floor. She turned back to Bulk. "Not if you leave right now." The stallion took th hint, and backed out of the door. "I was never here," he whispered.

"Okay."

Once he closed the door, he opened it again. "Forgot my boomer." He said sheepishly, and closed the door behind him for good. Fluttershy sighed in relief, and went over to the dining room table where Rainbow Dash was sitting, looking depressed. "Rainbow?" Fluttershy questioned. She sat next to her friend. "What's wrong? If you want, we can get another… I mean, I'm not really _suggesting_ it, but if it will make you feel better…" Rainbow Dash lifted her eyes and stared at Fluttershy. "What if I can't go through with it?" She asked quietly. Fluttershy stared into her eyes, and knew exactly what she meant. "Oh Dash… w-wait, what happened?" The cyan Pegasus buried her face in her hooves. "It's all just happening so _fast_… and I _like_ fast, but… I mean, I love Soarin. I do. But.. what do I know about being a wife.. a _wife!_" She blew her bangs out from in front of her eyes. "I know he's going to want kids some day. I like kids, but how can I be a mom? What if I mess up?"

Fluttershy was silent for a minute, and then placed her hoof on her friend's. "Look. This is a _huge_ step for Soarin too. You two are crazy for each other. Soarin loves you Rainbow. All of you. And you love him too. You're wonderful with kids. Scootaloo can vouch for that. She looks up to you. She's always had, and always will. You're going to be a _great_ mom. You've protected me from all those bullies, and you've protected the girls from all sorts of things. The filly or colt you raise will be a _great_ pony, I promise you."

Rainbow smiled softly, and gave her a hug. "Thanks Flutters." Then she released her, and stretched her wings. "I'm just gonna get some air. My wing's still sore from the car ride." Fluttershy nodded, and went over to the bathroom to see if Rarity was still sick.

The Wedding posse had arrived at Herbal's place, which wasn't all that bad. "The flash drives are in my bedroom," Herbal said. "I put them in a hollowed-out book!" Soarin rolled his eyes. "You think I give a flying feather where it is? Go get it!" Herbal frowned and marched off to his bedroom.

Pinkie Pie was poking around his stuff, under the supervision of Breaburn. Applejack had stayed behind on the party bus, refusing to snoop in someone's house even though they had permission… sort of. Pinkie held up a flyer. "Lookie here! This guy has the receipt for a ticket to a Sapphire Shores concert!" She slipped it into her mane. "Why would you take that?" Breaburn asked. "Doesn't your friend Rarity know her?" Pinkie giggled. "Because it had a picture of Sapphire Shores on it! Duh!" The pony sighed and shook his head. He would never be able to understand that girl.

Herbal was struggling to find those flash drives when he heard noise coming from the other room.

_Fifteen love._

Herbal walked over to the room and opened the door. Two ponies were playing the Wii, a tennis game apparently. Both stallions swung their controllers at brutal force. "I told you I had a master backhoof." The first pony said.

_Thirty love._

The two ponies suddenly stopped, and looked over at Herbal, who was smiling nervously. The henchponies glared at him murderously. After fifteen seconds of this, Herbal slammed the door. "RUN!"

The others jumped, and immediately scrambled for the front door. Cheese Sandwich was outside, buying party drinks for the reception. "Battery acid… I'll take a case," He smiled, casually sipping his drink from a fancy looking glass."Okay," Said the sales mare. Just then, Breaburn, Soarin, Pinkie, and Herbal burst from the door, screaming. "Go, go, go!" Breaburn yelled. "Big Mac, fire up the bus!" Soarin screamed. Big Mac, who was standing in front of the bus, immediately jumped in."Come on, Cheese!" Pinkie yelled, grabbing his hoof, and yanked him across the lawn. "Why are we running?!" Cheese squealed. Bullets rained down all around them, just barely missing the ponies. Cheese let out a girly scream. Soarin stood outside the bus, making sure everyone got in. "Come on!" Cheese instantly shielded Pinkie from the gunfire as Applejack pulled her inside the bus. Soarin shoved Cheese in the bus, and jumped in after him. The doors closed, and the bus sped off while the henchponies kept firing at them until the bus was out of range.

One of the henchponies' phone rang, and he quickly answered. "Uncle Axe!"

"_**Tell me you two numb skulls found Pollack."**_

"Well, we did. But the Wonderbolt with the stupid voice got him."

"_**Soarin? What the hay's that goon doin' up in Baltimare?"**_

"Getting married, apparently…." On the bus was a big sign that said

**RAINBOW DASH AND SOARIN**

_**Last fling before the ring!**_

"..To some broad named Rainbow Dash."

Axe hung up the phone. He was getting his hooves polished in a salon. He had to get back to work. "Skip the paraffin, Daffodil. I gotta bounce."

At the casino, Twilight watched a spinning wheel, mezmorized on how pretty the colors were. Fluttershy flew over to her side and landed next to her. "Twilight!" The lavender alicorn beamed, happy to see a friendly face. "Fluttershy!" she said cheerfully. "Have you seen Rainbow Dash?" Twilight frowned a bit and held up a hoof. "I have _not._" The Pegasus sighed, and started to walk around, with Twilight following her. Fleetfoot came up to the girls, and started walking with them."There's no way she left this casino," she said, sounding a little concerned. "She couldn't have." She smirked. "Not in _those_ clothes."

Twilight laughed.

Just then, Thunderlane walked up to them, not looking like himself. "Excuse me," he said loudly. "Do any of you three have boys downstairs? Because I failed to ask that of the last esc—" Fleetfoot punched him in the face, knocking him out cold. The Wonderbolt kept moving as if nothing had happened. Twilight's eyes widened, and opened her mouth, as if trying to say something, when Fluttershy grabbed her hoof. "Let's go," she said urgently, pulling the baffled princess away from the bizarre scene.

Soarin and the others had finally arrived outside of the Wonderbolts headquarters just as the moon started to rise. Everyone started piling off the bullet ridden bus "Well, do we have any idea where she is?" Applejack asked. She was on the phone with Fluttershy. "Okay." She hung up. "Who was that?" Pinkie asked, hopping up to Applejack. "Fluttershy. She said to meet up in our room as soon as we get back."

Soarin was holding on to Herbal while he struts across the parking lot. "Okay! Let's dump off this loser and get back to stumpin' up the _jam!_" Just then, Soarin's phone started to ring. "Ooh, hang on." He said, as he reached for his phone. He looked at the caller I.D. "Who's this?" He answered. "Hello?"

"_**Soarin!"**_Said a overly cheerful deep voice. _**"It's your old friend, Axe Ritzo."**_

Soarin grinned. "Well, speak of the devil!" He exclaimed. "How ya been, scumbag? Funny you should call. I happen to be standing with a buddy of yours. Oh, hang on, he wants to say hello!" Soarin narrowed his eyes at Herbal. "Say hello."

"Hello?"

"Bam!"

Applejack, Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Cheese started to titter.

"You my friend are going down for a _long time_." Soarin said triumphantly.

"_**Is that right? Well that should be interesting. 'Cause you see, as luck would have it, I'm hanging out with an old friend of yours too."**_

Before Soarin could ponder what he was talking about, a brash female voice came over the line.

"_**Drop dead, dirtbag."**_

Soarin's heart stopped. "…Rainbow?"

**A/N: I… regret… nothing…..**


	4. Saving Private Dash

_**A/N: Bad me. I always finish what I start :)**_

Tension was at an all time high. Soarin and the others had retreated to the girl's hotel room to figure out what to do. Spitfire had quickly recovered and flew over to headquarters to take control and to make sure no one did drastic measures, at least until further notice. The others sat around the room, very grim, and very distraught.

Soarin Sighed. "He proposed a straight-up swap," He said, his voice a bit hostile. "Rainbow for Herbal. That's the deal." Everyone looked at Soarin sadly. He sucked in some air. "I have one weakness in this life, besides pie, and he has her." Unshed tears welled up in his eyes. "She's probably scared to death and I'm not there to help her!" Fluttershy gently rubbed his back.

"Oh, let her go, Dawg," Rapidfire said from the couch, watching T.V. It was apparent that he had drunk too much cider. "There are, like, three billion chicks out there that _need_ dudes like us. And that's just in the _Ukraine._"

"That doesn't make any sense." Said Braeburn.

Soarin shook his head. "I can't risk it." He turned to the others. "I won't. I have waited too long to tell Rainbow I love her, and I am _going_ to _marry_ my fiancée tomorrow! I'll put that greasy scumbag Ritzo away some other day. Soon. We make the swap, we make it now."

"Uh, what about Princess Twilight?" Fleetfoot asked with her eyebrows raised. They looked over at the lavender alicorn, who was slumped in her chair, half her body lying on the dining room table. Spike was next to her, rubbing her back in comfort with one hand, and holding a bottle of water with the other. "Come on, Twilight, you need to try and hydrate." He coaxed.

"I can't feel my skin," Twilight moaned. "I haven't done cider shots since college, and I just didn't want to be the wet blanket." She said with a soft whine.

"I know you didn't."

"Spike… What's stuck to my lip?"

"…It's a peanut shell, Twi."

Pinkie nodded. "I believe Twilight's okay with this plan." The others agreed unanimously. "Let's grab Herb from the bedroom!" As they started towards the bedroom door, Rarity stumbled out with a towel wrapped around her body. "We've got a _serious _problem!" She gasped. "Oh, of all the worst things that could happen, this is _THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!_" Braeburn frowned. "Uh, why are you wearin' a towel?" Just then, Thunderlane emerged from the same room, and he was also wearing a towel with a sailor hat made out of newspaper on his head. "Oh, you guys are going to be _so_ mad.."

"Rarity!" Fluttershy exclaimed. Rarity shook her head. "Oh, no no, no, we were just cuddling, honestly."

Thunderlane nodded.

"You see… uh… Herbal got away. I mean, the little weasel just jumped right out of the window! We tried to stop him of course, but well… you know…"

Soarin's expression darkened. "Is this some kind of _joke?!_" He seethed. "This is my _life! _Pollack!" He darted past the two stunned ponies and he flew into the bedroom. Applejack gritted her teeth at her friend. "Rarity! What in Sam Hill happened? He was _hoofcuffed _to the _bedpost!_"

"He ripped himself from it!" Rarity cried. "I mean, he gnawed his arm like a _wolf!_"

"_Thunderlane..._" Fleetfoot groaned. "I'm sorry," he said. "But she smells like my step mom." Rarity smiled and nuzzled her companion. "Oooh, thank you darling." Soarin flew out of the bedroom with a number of bed sheets knotted together in his hooves. He looked like he was about to cry. "What am I supposed to do now? Somepony tell me what in the _hay _I am supposed to do now!? _Fleetfoot?!_" He whimpered. Fleetfoot rushed forward and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Come here. Sit." She instructed, easing him onto the couch. "Breathe. It's gonna be alright. Just sit and breathe."

"I have an idea!" Pinkie said suddenly. Everyone looked at her, some surprised, some already scared. "Hope is not lost!" She declared. Thunderlane pumped his hooves in the air. She looked at Soarin. "How much do you trust me?"

The next day, the party bus wheeled in the huge parking lot where they were supposed to meet. A little black car appeared, and both vehicles came to a stop, the bumpers mere inches from each other. Soarin got out with a stallion in a suit with a hood over his head. Axe and his two nephews stepped out of their car pointing guns at the Wonderbolt. One of the nephews brought out Rainbow Dash with a hood over _her_ head, as well as a robe on her body. Soarin scowled. "Why is she in a housecoat? If you so much as _breathed_ on her…" Axe rolled his eyes. "Oh, relax, nopony touched her. Now give me my rat." At the same time, Soarin pushed the pony towards Axe, and the nephew pushed Rainbow towards Soarin. "This way, babe, there you go." Soarin said soothingly, guiding Rainbow behind him. "Hope you said your prayers, Herb," Axe taunted. Soarin turned back to the mobsters. "Hey, just remember. He ends up in a ditch, I will have you by the plums for murder. I mean, don't you think your little buddy Herbal there made copies of those files? If I were you, I'd give him a raise and take him out to dinner and a show."

Axe scowled. "Don't you try to tell me about my business," He said darkly. The pony in the hood blurted out a series of unintelligible shrieks, and ran into the other nephew, who grabbed the pony by his suit. "Man, have some respect for yourself," He groaned. "Good luck there, Herb," Soarin said with a grin. "You're on borrowed time, dirtbag!" He told Axe. The mobster chuckled as he backed up into his car. "Yeah. Catch me if you can, hambone!"

"Take it to the bank! There you go, hon." Soarin said, easing Rainbow onto the bus. Everyone piled into their vehicles, and started to reverse into separate directions. Ten seconds later, both vehicles screeched to a halt, and drove back to their previous positions. Soarin furiously leapt out of the bus, and axe and his nephews got out drawing their guns.

"You double- crossed me, you little rat!" Axe roared. "Look who's talking, you son of a sailor!" Soarin shouted. Axe's face flushed in anger. "Who the _hay_ is _that!?_" he yelled, pointing at Granny Smith in a suit. "Granny Apple Smith, yaw hipper snapper!" She declared proudly. "My cousin Apple Dumpling busted yer Uncle Sal in '83, so go ahead, punch me in the face as hard as you can, I dare ya!"

"I knew I couldn't trust you," Soarin growled. He moved aside and gestured to the mare behind him. She had a green coat and a blond mane. Her feathered earrings were in contrast with her masculine features. "That is _not_ my future wife!" Soarin yelled. "No, but I _could_ be," She said in her deep voice. Soarin's face twisted in dispair. "Jesus of _Nazareth._" He turned back to Axe. "Where the hay is my fiancée?" He demanded.

Axe sighed. He scratched his cheek. "Alright, look," He said quietly. "Your gal got the drop on my idiot nephew Tito back at the hotel." He admitted. "See, it turns out he ordered a _companion_ up to his room, sight unseen. _She _shows up," He gestured to the mare behind Soarin. "The boys come out, your gal seizes the moment, and Bob's your uncle."

Soarin grinned. "I gotta hand it to you, Soarin. You are marrying one tough broad there," Axe said genuinely. "She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she flew out the window."

"That's my gal," Soarin said proudly. "Ironically, your boy Herb slipped through the hooves of my best man and one of Rainbow's recently paroled maids of honor." Axe nodded. "Alright, so what you say we just pretend it never happened?" Soarin nodded in agreement. "Yeah, fine by me. You'll be behind bars within a week anyway."

"Fat chance. I'll see you in your _nightmares,_ Ponyboy."

The party bus was once again cruising along the streets of Cloudsdale, in search of Rainbow Dash. "Wait just a gosh darn minute," Applejack said, trying to process all this. "Are you tellin' me Ritzo had the exact plan we did?" Soarin sighed. "Yeah. Which means my fiancée is still missing." "Don't worry. We're going to find her." Fluttershy reassured him. Granny Smith sighed in content. "Ooh, I've got to tell ya, I haven't felt this alive since I almost landed in that little pool of water when Flim and Flam came back to town!" Breaburn frowned. "When you almost died?"

"Exactly! Team, thank you for getting me back into the game." Applejack sighed. "Well, I'm glad that's over. But when we drop you off at Ponyville, we need to keep lookin' for Rainbow Dash. And never, under _any_ circumstances, tell anypony about her disappearance… at least not yet. _Especially_ not the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We don't want to cause a panic and all before we know exactly what happened to her." Granny Smith nodded. "Now don't you worry, youngin. My lips are sealed. I'll get the girls and the food ready and all that jazz. Y'all just be careful, alright?"

"Hey, are we gonna party or what?" A deep voice said. Everyone looked over and saw the green mare hanging upside down on a pole. Groans filled the bus. Big Mac pulled over in front of a church, and Applejack pushed her out.

Later, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich stood outside of the building that Rainbow was previously held in. Soarin poked out of the fifth story window that Rainbow had jumped out of. The glass had been shattered. "That's impossible!" Soarin shouted. "There's no way she could have jumped out of this window with a cramped wing! It's too high!"

"Hey, Soarin, that ledge actually turns the corner and runs along the side of the building towards the fire escape!" Pinkie called. "That's it!" Soarin exclaimed. "She must've gone through the window onto the ledge, tight roped her way around and made her escape!" He grinned. "Our kids are going to be SEAL Team 6 Members!"

"Wait a second," Cheese said, bringing a hoof to his chin. "If Rainbow's just walking around free as a… Pegasus… why hasn't she called?"

"Maybe she got hungry," Soarin shouted back. He frowned. "Or….Or maybe you should just shut it, Cheese!"

"It's a valid question, Soarin!" Fluttershy gulped and spoke up timidly. "Soarin, there's something you should know…" She gave a deep sigh. "Rainbow and I…"

"WHOA, silence, woman!" Pinkie shouted suddenly. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, I'm.. getting something…" Random parts of Pinkie's body started to quiver. "Scratchy back, eye flutter, knee twitch, itchy nose… what does _that_ mean?" Cheese placed a hoof on her shoulder. "Maybe it means-!"

Suddenly, hundreds of images flashed through their minds at whirring speed, all sorts of sounds and words echoing throughout their brains.

"_You are marrying one tough broad there. She even busted out some Muay Thai in the hallway before she flew out the window…window…window…"_

_Rainbow drop kicked several guards in her way, and threw a chair out the window nearby. Next to her, she noticed a garbage chute that would guarantee that nopony would think to look for her there._

Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich gasped.

"WHOA!"

"Oh my GOSH!"

"Now THAT was a doozy!"

"A SPECTACULAR doozy!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Soarin called. Fluttershy looked equally confused.

Cheese looked up at Soarin and then at Pinkie. "I think we just had a… _vision _of some kind! It must have been her Pinkie sense and my Cheesy sense combined! It must have been the wedding vibe off of Rainbow that triggered my sense, and I guess it exploded when it came in contact with Pinkie's!" He exclaimed.

Soarin scratched his head. "In English?"

Pinkie squealed happily. "_We know where she is!_"

Under the hotel, The three ponies, along with the janitor neared the door that led to where the garbage chute lead. The janitor pony turned the key, and started to open the door. Soarin stopped him. "That's okay, I—I got it from here, buddy. I—I'd like my face to be the first thing she sees." The janitor nodded, and waved to them as he left. Soarin dramatically opened the door with a broad grin on his face.

"Baby!" He was immediately decked in the face. "Ohh," he moaned, as he fell to the floor. The ponies behind him winced. Rainbow Dash gasped, and Immediately helped Soarin up. "Oh my gosh, I'm _so sorry! _Are you okay?" Soarin blinked as he stared into Rainbow's worried face. "..Was that… a spinning back hoof?" Rainbow nodded. "Yeah," she said casually with a shrug. Soarin gazed at her intensely. "My _God_ I love you." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. "How'd you know I was here?" Rainbow asked when they broke off.

Soarin smiled. "Pinkie and Cheese," he said fondly, looking over at the two smiling party ponies with immense gratitude. "They had a doozy. And I gotta say, it was a pretty spectacular one."

"Aww, shucks!" They said in unison.

"Looks like I owe you guys one," Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again," Soarin sighed. Rainbow poked a hoof at Soarin's chest. "Deal. But _not_ before the wedding." Her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! What time is it!?" Fluttershy nodded. "We've got less than two hours, and we have a _lot_ of work to do." She grabbed Rainbow's hoof. "You're coming with us.." She turned to Soarin. "See you at the Academy!" With that, the three mares bounded down the hallway. "Guard her with your life!" Soarin called after them. "That's not hyperbole!" He walked over to Cheese and wrapped his arm around d his shoulders. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

"Aw, no need. It's what friends do."

Soarin grinned. "Let's go grab the fellas and suit up!"

Soarin rode the descending escalator in a crisp white tux, feeling pretty smooth. One by one, each best stallion descended their way to the lobby wearing black tux's… except for Cheese Sandwich, who came down last, wearing nothing but a bright red speedo and some floaties. "Judas priest, Cheese!" Soarin exclaimed as the rest of the ponies waited for Cheese to come off the escalator. "What the _hay_ are you wearing?!" Cheese blinked. "Oh…When you said, 'Suit up', I immediately thought of the pool near the wedding, and I thought _you_ meant…" Soarin threw his hooves in the air. "Why would I possibly mean that?"

"Well, my 'suit' suit is on the bus." Soarin grabbed Cheese as soon as he stepped off the escalator. "Change on the way, come on!" Cheese felt a shiver run up and down his spine. He looked at the future groom. "Oh, by the way, I think I might know where Herbal is too…"

Herbal was sitting in the first row of the theatre where Sapphire Shores was supposedly having a concert. It was cancelled at the last minute, so the place had three or four ponies wandering the theatre. A shadow fell over him. He looked up to see Soarin, of all ponies, standing over him wearing a white tux. "Did you miss me?" Soarin smirked.

"Not particularly!" Soarin grabbed the piece of wooden plank that Herbal was hoofcuffed to and dragged him outside. "Y-you know, I really gotta pee," Herbal stammered. Soarin rolled his eyes. "Well, try not to think of a warm summer's rain." With that, he pushed him inside the parked party bus. "Big Mac, take me to my wedding!" He said happily.

Little did the Stallions know, that Axe's two nephews were watching from a distance. The first nephew smirked as he spoke into his phone. "Uncle Axe? Get ready to be happy."


End file.
